


What Dark Fire, This?

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Reality, Angst, Dystopia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen lives in a world with only small hopes that are always in danger of failing him. His only real hope lies in Jared. And then it all falls apart when something fundamental in him changes. In a world where all difference is abhored Jensen discovers he is the worst kind of different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Dark Fire, This?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the February Amnesty Challenge at [hc-bingo](http://hc-bingo.livejournal.com/).  
> My prompts were stalkers,magical trouble, dystopia, and a wild card square which I filled with nightmares.

He thinks some days that things would be easier if he said one of the words on the list. The ones that would guarantee his struggle would be over. All it would take was to say one out loud and they would know. They would come for him and take him away and by the fall of the sun he would be dead and this would all be over. He would be dead, but he would not be cold or hungry or scared any more. He would not live in a world without color, full of suspicion, subjugated to the will of his 'betters'. He would not be consumed by guilt for the things he has failed to do, the people he has failed to protect.  
Some days it might almost be worth it. 

Except. 

Except Jensen does not believe that what would come after his death would be better because death lacks the only thing here worth living for. The bright eyed boy with slanted eyes and a secret smile, that is only for Jensen. The worst thing, the coldest thing would be to lose whatever time he has with Jared. Even though the only time they have is side by side at the meal tables, or the hour or two they can find in the evening after shower and chores.

 

He wishes there could be more. He would find this cold hate filled life more bearable if he could curl around Jared at night, sharing warmth and comfort the way he has seen others do. But they cannot, dare not, because two boys cannot lie together the way a boy and a girl can. No one will look the other way if they try. 

Jensen remembers Chris and his sharp mind, and smart mouth and the way his eyes softened when he looked at Steve, all those years ago. He also remembers the way Chris screamed when the soldiers dragged them away from each other in the middle of the night. Jensen remembers the death of hope and wonders if Steve and Chris are still alive somewhere, prison-ganged for sodomy. Forever apart for the crime of love.

He wishes there was a way out and knows if there is he won't be the one to find it. He cannot risk what little he has. Jared and his smile and the warm light in his eye that the cruelty of the world has not yet extinguished.

He knows it is only wishful thinking, a silly idea that cant be real, of hills completely covered in green life. The idea persists. He tries not to think about it too much. It's a stupid fancy that will only hurt him in the long run, as all dreams do when they are inevitably ripped away by reality. 

**** 

The days are all the same and so Jensen does not think of his life in the context of his days, but rather he measures time against moments. Seconds or sometimes minutes stolen from the watchful eye of the collective. All of those moments include Jared in some way. 

****  
He thinks at first that what happens is his punishment for surviving when so many others have not. It's so horrible at first that he cannot imagine it could be anything other than some twisted penance. The terror that floods him is so complete it is all he can do not to cry out. His only salvation is that today is his day on garbage and he is currently standing on an empty parade ground with a canvas bag and a picker stick, retrieving pieces of trash from the tarmac. 

He has never been more grateful to be alone, than he is when he reaches down for a piece of paper and it bursts into flame the instant he touches it. The Touch. Oh Gods he has the Touch! It is all he can do to keep from screaming. He feels panic well up and he looks quickly around checking to see if any of the other workers noticed. He stops himself from making a sound, or dropping his equipment, or stumbling. 

He just keeps on picking up garbage and trying to breath. It's one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. What he really wants to do is run fast and far and away because a life that was one moment ago bleak and harsh just became horror filled. What was once a vague worry has now become an inevitability. They will come for him without fail. As soon as the know what he is.

It will be worse than any death he could have dreamed for himself., because this does not mean death or prison. No, this means a uniform. This means a locked room and the absence of anything that is not their wish. They will take him and hide him away and bend him into whatever they want. Jensen is so much worse than dead.

 

****

He tries not act any differently but cannot help the swoop of terror in his belly when he sees the black uniform of a Watcher standing by the door as they file into the mess hall that evening. He is almost certain he has not betrayed anything today despite how frightened he was. Almost. But there is only one reason a watcher would be there. They are looking for someone with a gift and they don’t do that randomly. They are only ever around when there is reason to be.

The evening meal is much quieter than usual. Everyone knows someone here is in very deep trouble. Someone has been Detected and the Watchers have come to find them. It keeps them all on edge.  
Jensen is bent over his tray not looking anywhere but at his food, forcing each bite down, fighting past the urge to vomit. 

He has been afraid before, but this is not fear. It is unalloyed terror.

He almost screams when someone drops into the seat beside him. Jared! It's Jared. Jensen knows he should keep his head down and eat his food but he can't. He has to look. This is one of the last times he will see this beautiful boy, if not the _actual_ last time. He has to look now because soon he will not be able to. He will be gone or dead. 

Jared smiles at him for a second and then his smile slips away and a frown falls into place and Jensen has to look away then because he cannot have that be the last thing he sees of Jared.  
He does his best to eat and chat quietly but the food and the words both stick in his throat. By the end of the meal he can feel the worry pouring off Jared.

Later after evening shower Jared finds him and they sit quietly together. Jared chatters but does not ask what is wrong. He just holds Jensen's hand and talks and acts as if nothing is wrong. 

They part just before curfew the same as always. Jared will go to his bunk and Jensen will go to his. The only sign between them that something is amiss is the firm squeeze Jared gives his hand when they part, Jared's long fingers wrapping around Jensen’s wrist for a second. It is the only thing he can give in the way of affection and it will have to be enough.

 

****

Jensen dreams that night of Matty, the boy he loved when he was in the camps. Matty with his pretty blue eyes and dark hair, and quick, open smile. Matty who could move things with his mind. 

The soldiers came and took him in the middle of the evening meal, there in the dining hall, where everyone could see. Ten men for one frail boy. They pounced on him and wrestled him down and snapped the collar on his neck and when he tried to get away the children all watched as the light on the collar turned red and he fell to the floor screaming and writhing. When he stopped making noises the soldier pulled him up and dragged him away. The last trace of him was the odor of piss from his bladder letting go.

Jensen dreams of Lianne and her red hair and the way she could make anyone do what she wanted, but all she ever wanted was a little more to eat or a newer blanket. He dreams about the way she screamed when they slipped the collar around her neck. He remembers the way her hair burst into flame when she would not quit fighting and the soldier with the trigger pressed it one to many times.

He remembers the nameless boy that was here only one day before he was shot through the eye from a distance, apparently too dangerous to try to recover.

****  
The next day passes in a haze of dread, shot through with moments of terror every time he sees a flash of black clothing through a crowd. Everywhere he goes Jensen sees Watchers and it doesn't take much for Jensen to be convinced he is being followed. The Watchers seem to be everywhere. He _knows_ they are looking for him and that it is only a matter of time. No one ever gets away.

He doesn't say a word at mid day meal, even when Jared touches arm. “Jen?” he asks, clearly worried.  
Jensen can only give a slight shake of his head and look down at his food tray. He can't look up and let Jared see the fear and unshed tears in his eyes.

 

He works on the green space in the afternoon, grounds cleaning again, part of the constant pursuit of perfection that the state insists on. He feels eyes on him the whole time but does not dare to look for the source, unwilling to appear suspicious thus giving himself away. His only solace is that they don't know who they are looking for yet. If they did they would have come for him already.

It is still only a matter of time.

Evening meal is a special kind of torture. Jared is all smiles and cheer, laughing and joking with everyone at their table, completely oblivious to Jensen's fear. It is a kind of a victory, Jensen supposes, that even Jared apparently sees nothing out of the ordinary about him. At least the other boy doesn’t know what is coming for Jensen. He thinks that until they part at dusk and Jared leans in close and whispers in Jensen's ear. “Don't worry so much Jen.” 

Jensen bites down on the bitter laugh that threatens to bubble up at Jared's words. He is just glad Jared has no clue, that it's Jensen's _hours_ that are numbered now. 

It takes him a long time to go to sleep that night. Jensen wishes uselessly that he could die in his sleep and save a lot of pain and fear for himself and Jared. His last thought before he sleeps is that he hopes Jared is no where close when they take him, will not be forced to watch if Jensen screams or cries or pisses himself.

 

He wakes abruptly in the dark to a rough hand on his shoulder and he thinks at first that his time has come. He is being pulled from his bunk in the middle of the night to face the consequences of his traitorous mind. 

The Jacks have come to take him and the only he hope has ever had is that they will end him. And that he will go alone, that have not connected him to the beautiful shining eyed boy.

 

“Jensen!” a voice whispers viciously in his ear. “Wake up!” The hand on his shoulder shakes him hard and snaps him the rest of the way awake. He does not want to open his eyes. He is not sure he can face his end bravely if he has to look it in the eye.

“It's me” the voice changes in pitch but stays a whisper. And Jensen's eyes _do_ come open then because it's Jared. 

 

“Come!” he says his voice barely more than a puff of air against Jensen's ear. “I have a found a way.”

“What?” he asks stupidly.

“We are leaving. I found the way.”

Jensen does not hesitate one second longer. He crawls quietly form his bunk. He has no idea what is going on or what Jared really means but he doesn't care. Jensen pulls on his clothes as quietly as he can, picks up his shoes and follows Jared, the only hope he has ever had.

****

He follows quickly and quietly and trusts Jared. He has questions. What does Jared know? What does he mean by the way out? Where are they leaving to? None of it matters, really. What matters is Jared. If they are caught, and these are their last moments alive, they will be together.

There is a liberation in that thought that Jensen had not known existed.


End file.
